Can art and play really set us free?

In my last post I talked about how I had prepared to leave my job and leap into the radical world of rest.  

From June to December of 2022, I held a steadfast commitment to doing nothing other than lo que me dio la gana (read:whatever the hell I felt like). 

Note: At this time, my wife and I were moving into our new home as well. 10/10 do not recommend starting your sabbatical with another major life transition like moving.  In short, we moved and our house was still a construction site.  

So what to do when you want to choose rest, but the world around you has other plans?

For the first two weeks, I cried - a lot.  I was finally choosing me and the universe had one more test for me. Who was I without the titles, the clothes, the schedule, and kids? 

I had dreamed of slow mornings, sipping on freshly pressed coffee in my favorite comfy clothes. I’d leisurely read a book on my couch, play with art, and meet up with friends on sunny afternoons. In my mind, I would be living this YouTube version of reality. Instead, my dreams of turning a new leaf and starting my business from a place of ease and rest came felt unfathomably far away. Those quiet mornings I dreamed of became long days filled with back pain, digging through boxes looking for my basic belongings, and crossing my fingers hoping to take a hot shower.

Again, who was I to be without my stable job, my title, my uniform, and the people I serve?

Reroot & Ground in Self-Care

After lots of therapy, hellaaaaa tears and tequila, I was finally ready to get back to making my dream a reality.  I was determined to enjoy my 6 months of art and play.  I was not going to let what was out of my control, dictate my identity. So, I sat down with my planner and set goals for the next calendar month. 

I deliberately decided my goal was to bring beauty back into my life. How was I going to define and find beauty in even the ugliest moments? 

I wrote down all of my self-care practices as a way to find my way back to beauty: 

• Yoga/Meditation

• Exercise 

• Walk the dog

• Get ready /Put real clothes on 

• Make art

• Journal 

• Read

• Reach out to my people 

Most days I would pick from these practices like flowers from a garden.  I would set a loose schedule for myself, and let myself color outside the lines.  I would choose which things I wanted to do on which days. I would pick and choose how long I would spend with each practice and in what order I would do them. Some days I did all of them, and some days I only did one or two.  No matter what the day looked like, I felt fulfilled knowing I am living on my own terms. 

So what did I learn from all of this?

Well, I learned that I have more power than I, or the world for that matter, will give myself credit for.  

• There is art everywhere. 

• Lean into the dream - no matter what

I found myself going to different museums around the Bay Area, going for walks with Panchito and visiting places and people that inspire me.  Soon, I found art everywhere.  I went from sitting at desk feeling isolated and undervalued after a 45-60 minute commute, to painting, printmaking, lettering, sewing, arranging, watercoloring, & dancing all around the Bay.  

I found myself expanding and expanding and expanding. 

I had finally given myself the time to follow my curiosity.  I was reading voraciously.  There I was, reading books about people like me: Latina, queer, young and radical. It felt like I was discovering this magical world that had been in my backyard all along.  Then I remembered, this magic has been here all along, I just needed to give myself the time.  My choice to make art and play even in the hardest of times, led me back to my own power. It allowed me to rediscover who I am without the titles, the clothes, and kids. I got to know Naomi who pours into herself, and it is a choice I am still proud of today.

How have you given yourself time to make magic just for you?